David and Allyson’s Top Ten Parenting Tips for 2009

Patrick in Michigan compiled this list of our recent top ten (thanks Pat!):

1. Have them read the back of the Loreal Preference Box.  It has the best sentence structure.
2. They must pray before meals.  Otherwise, starve them until they pray for mercy.
3. Be consistent.  If you aren’t, you might mess up and not cover all of the gray.
4. Teach them how to handle money, but don’t tell them how much the house cost.  That way you can deduct more rent from their allowance.
5. Go on a date.  If with your spouse, go somewhere cheap like Taco Bell or a bookstore.
6. Do something fun and different with your kids.  If they don’t like it, take them on a forced march through the forest.  Don’t forget the first aid kits!
7. Child labor laws don’t apply at home.  Get free labor out of them or the pets die!
8. Teach them to serve others without expecting anything back.  Otherwise your hair will go gray.  Just look what happened to your poor Mother!
9. Don’t give in to peer pressure.  If they do, throw them off the pier and feed them to the sharks, along with all of the other naked people.
10. Practice what you preach.  Or color your hair.  Which ever is easiest.