The Catholic Family Podcast

STRONGER HUSBANDS – CLOSER WIVES – BETTER MARRIAGES

Hello and blessings! Your Catholic Family Chaplain Deacon Tom sends prayerful and Lenten ‘fish-fry’ greetings to all of you. Gosh - Lent will be over soon, won’t it? I hope you’ve been experiencing a holy, reflective Lent - journeying into the recesses of the spiritual person you are called to be … the person you are invited to become.

As I prepare this column that crosses from the period of Lent into the glory of the Risen Lord, in part, I want to aim my words at husbands. The goal? A resurrection of the abiding love and respect for our wives (or girlfriends, if single) … and for daughters of the listeners to Catholic Family Podcast. Stick with me because women can be involved in this too. And it’s all about closer relationships and better marriages. This is certainly a big job to tackle in these few pages of monthly e-column. I wonder how many of you have heard of the organization known as e5 Special Forces? Let me explain. In his letter to the Ephesians, St. Paul charged men to subordinate ourselves to our spouses as a sign of reverence for Christ. And with this in mind, some time ago, a group of men formed this e5 Men organization encouraging us to take at least one day a month - usually the first Wednesday and to FAST for our wives as a sign of sacrifice - presenting her to the Lord by your actions of self denial. I’ll come back to fasting in a moment. Let me say that the idea of e5 originated for husbands - but it has spread to use by single men… and it is for women as well. There are so many reasons…. so many ways that society has brought about a loss of dignity in women; there has been a loss of the spiritual beauty that was seen in the creation story in the Garden of Eden. Remember Adam telling the Lord: This one…. this one at last is the one I have been waiting for; she is the one with whom I can be completely open… with her I will have no shame. This lack of ‘shame’ speaks of a beautiful intimacy that is so much to be prayed for. E5 Men invites us, married or single men to offer sacrifice at least once a month to make reparations for:

* Any abuses (by anyone) to the God-given dignity of wives
* Many e5 Men offer up one day of fasting for sisters, mothers, daughters, nieces, aunts, co-workers or women friends
* For the finding of a holy husband for our daughters, friends, and relatives (I particularly like this intention; my wife and I regularly pray for our granddaughters and their future spouses)
* For the intentions of Mary, the Mother of Jesus
* Past girlfriends - especially for healing from any harm we men may have caused
* For women who are considering or have participated in abortion and for the whole abortion issue to be resolved
* For women considering or involved with fornication, adultery, sterilization or contraception
* Women in pornography or wives of men who use pornography
* Consecrated celibate women
* Women or girls with eating disorders
* Women or girls abused by men

When you begin to see the many ways women have lost so much in the society that we live in – many of us can agree that there are good reasons to ‘sacrifice’ for their intention at least once a month… more if we can do it. Many who read this column may believe they can’t fast – that fasting is for ‘holy people.’ I admit that for some, fasting can be difficult. Surprisingly, it hasn’t been as tough as I thought it might be. And the results of doing this seem to be like magic – I feel ‘GRACES’ flowing into our marriage relationship. I truly believe my wife would say our marriage is better – far better. And fasting can be less than full-meal fasting. It can be giving up a stop at Starbucks, or not drinking coffee or soft drinks that day… go for what you can go for – and pray for the intention of the woman (or man) that you are ‘sponsoring.’ If any men are interested in trying sacrifices to honor and ‘lift up’ your wife (or some other woman in your life) – I ask you to go to www.e5men.org. There is a place to sign up for monthly reminders and for help in fasting or sticking with your program. If this is an idea that you’re unsure about, please pray and think about it. And if David and Allyson will allow a cross-plug here – my March column for Lisa Hendey’s great website: ( www.catholicmom.com ) is about the very issue of ‘lifting up women’ – resurrecting some of the beauty in our marriages. Thank you for reading this. Thank you for considering this. Thank you for any comments. Blessings. Deacon Tom. www.deacontomonline.com

CATHOLIC (FAMILY) LENTEN LIFE IS DIFFERENT

Hello and blessings! Deacon Tom with you again. What a continuing joy to have Jesus, the Catholic Faith, the Church and my wife and family in my life.  God has splashed me with blessings – those mentioned here – and of course, becoming a deacon has been (mostly) a great gift. So too, it is a blessing to have e-befriended David and Allyson and to be a part of Catholic Family Podcast. 

I wrote my first Catholic Family column last year – it was titled Catholic Family Life is Different. With a little bit of starter prayer, and in thinking about possible topics for this column, I decided to pose the topic you see above. I did this first and then thought I would see if I am guided in any ways for the words to support this topic.

As we have been setting up our new house (in Arizona) in recent months – one of the ‘joys’ we have is hanging pictures and other items. My lovely wife Dee wants things down lower – I seem to want them higher. It’s become a sort of joke that if we can sell a house, move to a new location, hang pictures and agree on where furnishings go – we are probably going to make it.

One of the new small items we put up on the wall at the entrance at our front door is a small sign: THIS IS A CATHOLIC HOME. There is also a crucifix and some palm branches. Anyone who enters or sees inside is able to tell where we are coming from. And – in fact – it just happened that a Jehovah’s Witness came to the door. He introduced himself and showed me a publication he was carrying. I courteously welcomed him and told him that I was a deacon in the Catholic Church, and that Jesus Christ was my Lord and Savior and that I loved my faith. I also said that his visit was an opportunity for me to pray for him and his congregation. He immediately said ‘thank you very much’ and left. No contest!

Somewhere in Scripture (I’m a little too lazy right now to look it up), it says something about being willing to give reason for your belief and faith. That, dear hearts leads me to the challenge for anyone who is interested to tackle this idea about a different form of Catholic Lent.

Yes, we’re probably all going to get ashes on our foreheads… and yes we will likely attend a parish reconciliation service… and maybe we’ll try to pray more or read some Scriptures or inspiring words. No disrespect intended. But – are you willing to make this Catholic Family Lenten Life different for you? Perhaps for your family?

What does the ‘deke’ mean when he says ‘make this Lent different?’ Well – what could you do that would ‘mark’ you for Lent – just the way that ashes mark you for one hour or one day? I don’t have the answer for you and you and you. But I do have some starter ideas to throw out.

Have you ever invited anyone over to your house to pray? In our previous community, we started a regular Rosary in the Home gathering. Anyone who wanted to come was welcome.

Nothing fancy – just Catholics coming together to pray. At the beginning, anyone that wanted to announce petitions and intercessions was welcome to do so. We would do the Rosary together – and later we added the Chaplet of Divine mercy. We were done in about 30-45 minutes. We would offer some store-bought cookies or something else easy to do. Yes I know this is Lent – but I’m trying to stretch us beyond candies and cookie type Lenten thinking. We’d offer coffee and tea – and we’d be done in about two hours. If you’ve never done anything like this – would you consider doing this once a week during Lent? Because Catholic Family Lenten Life is Different!

Do you have someone recently widowed in your community? Would you consider having them come for dinner? Or taking them out to breakfast? Would you be willing to take the kids by to meet an older person in the parish? Because Catholic Family Lenten Life is Different!

Have you gotten away from the regular practice of Confession – the Sacrament of Reconciliation? Has your busy life taken you from the rhythm of regular prayer time? Have you ever written letters of spiritual love and support for your pastor or your bishop? Have you ever sat down to plan your funeral? That may sound morbid – it isn’t. It’s beautiful and it’s realistic. And I mention a bunch of these ideas because Catholic Family Lenten Life ought to be different! My wife and I pray for you regularly. Blessings. Deacon Tom.  www.deacontomonline.com

HAPPY WIFE – HAPPY LIFE Or: Let’s Say Goodbye to the Bickersons in 2008

Hi dear friends of Catholic Family Podcast. Happy New Year and blessings. I hope you prayerfully and joyfully welcomed the Christ-child into your hearts and homes. And I send up a wish that we can find ways to draw closer to Him in 2008. And this quickly brings me to my topic for this e-column. [Please remember that I’m ‘neutral’ in what is going to unfold here. I’m neither Democrat nor Republican. I’m an Independent.]

Okay: Those of you who like Allyson, and think she’s lovely and that she should get more respect… more airtime… less nagging from David …. Please stand over here to my right…. (Pause)…. “Oh my gosh… Allyson – just look at all your supporters and fans…. Maybe you could consider doing your own show? And Allyson – if you need someone to manage your ‘fan club’ – please consider hiring a true ‘independent’ person, will you?”

Okay now: Those of you who think David is a charming leader and a sheer delight and should keep doing what he’s been doing to become one of the leading Catholic Podcasters – please stand over here on my left…. (Pause)…. “Well David – I think these few men (just a few beer-drinking men) standing here on the left – they’re just not representative of all your talents and skills. Some political candidates are having the same problem – so we’ll work together on your image, okay?”

Now back to Deacon Tom’s column.

Do you know who my favorite Podcasters are? Well of course it’s the Sweeneys…. And I’m not just saying that because they hired me as a very high-priced personal deacon – uh uh! I also love Greg and Jennifer. (Jennifer – I think Massa Greg picks on you far too much…) And I’m often I-tuned to Mac and Kathryn (and as a neutral observer, that show couldn’t continue if it wasn’t for her).

But guess what I’ve discovered about all of them? Those Catholic couples all ‘bicker’ back and forth – not just once in a blue moon, either. They do sound, at times like the husband and wife couple of years ago called the Bickersons. Did you ever listen to that couple?

On a recent Catholic Family Podcast (Episode 71, 12/14/07), I heard the Sweeney’s doing minor ‘fussing’ at each other… talking about their two-path, two-track lives… David going at Allyson (the ‘Princess’) a little bit about her not supporting his running – imagine Allyson focusing on her music and not first consulting with David about his plans for doing marathons. Oh – did I mention Allyson complaining about having to live some 14 years in a cramped house with no bathtub and her raising four kids … almost all by herself?

As I’ve said above – I’ve listened to Mac and Kathryn who could be the prototypes for the Bickersons. And poor, poor Jennifer – I bet people are praying on string rosary beads just for her to stick in that marriage… (…  ). Well of course I am mostly exaggerating. But the purpose of my January Catholic Family Column is to discuss bickering. Is it natural that all of us married couples bicker?

\Is it possible to change? Change even a little? I wonder. I pray. Is it possible that we could forget New Year resolutions about weight or sweets? Those are New Year’s resolutions like we’ve made in past years? Could we consider adding a dimension of love and respect in our marriages that will blossom into more loving and respectful communications?

I tell you what brought this to mind. In the same episode of CFP mentioned above – David and Allyson were sharing about a family problem they have experienced (with Austin)… and thank you dear hearts for your openness. There was a brief discussion of Passive/ Aggressive Behavior. This is something we experienced in our child rearing as well. David is the (advanced-degree) expert about all of this stuff – but I began to wonder if our children might not be helped by parents trying to find ways to reduce the (slightly) negative words and themes that parents expose them to? I don’t know; I wonder?

When we were joined in the sacrament of marriage – there were promises to love AND HONOR all the days of our lives. Is ‘harmless’ bickering an indication that “I’m now taking you… or taking our marriage for granted?” Would our relationships be improved if we prayed together for the addition of more respect and less bickering in our day-to-day lives? (If you talk to my wife, she will probably want to know if I’ve signed up for this as well.) Would you be willing to consider – prayerfully consider adding this as a real New Year’s Resolution? Let me know what you think?
Blessings. Deacon Tom. www.deacontomonline.com

CATHOLIC FAMILY LIFE – LAS POSADAS

Hello Catholic Family Podcast listeners (and readers)! Blessings of Advent and the Christmas season before us. Last night, my wife and I attended the Saturday evening vigil Mass for the First Sunday in Advent. Our pastor, Fr. Bill prayed over the Advent wreath, Deacon Ed blessed it with holy water and a young acolyte lit the first purple candle. Shortly, we sang ‘O Come, O Come, Emmanuel’ and these first traditions ignited the beginning of the season of waiting and hope in my heart. Later, as my wife and I were about to sit down for dinner – Dee lit the Advent candle in our own wreath and I led us in a prayer asking the Lord to help usher in a new birth of Jesus in our hearts, our family and in our parish.

I love this time of year – I hope you do as well. I pray that you are not too stressed by all of the commercial and social things you have to accomplish. May you find time to start or repeat some of your own spiritual and holiday traditions. I’d like to share an experience that Dee & I had some years ago when we visited a Madonna House in Winslow, Arizona. Let me explain about Las Posadas and you’ll get a glimpse of what we did there.

There is a tradition in Mexico called Las Posadas. There can be variations on how it is done – but the most common begins nine days before Christmas. These nine days symbolize the time it took for Mary and Joseph to travel from Nazareth to Bethlehem.

For each of the nine days, the experience of Joseph and Mary looking for lodging at the inns of Bethlehem is reenacted. Participants are divided into two groups who are the ‘pilgrims’ and the ‘innkeepers.’ Pilgrims go from ‘house to house’ (or room to room in your home) carrying light candles and singing requests for a room. (This can be done with your own musical ‘creation’ or I’m sure you can find words of a song that begs to be let in and given a room for shelter.) At every ‘inn’ or house the innkeepers refuse the pilgrims. “No – no go away, into the night for we have no room for you at this inn!” This can be done dramatically or it can be done in song…. On Christmas Eve, the pilgrims are welcomed in at last. They enter and everyone joins in singing a joyful carol. Children (and many adults) love this festive teaching idea. Children are great at enacting what is part of our Biblical understanding of Christ being shut out. And it often forms a tradition that will endure for years and years – perhaps into generations in families. Dad can be in one room and gruffly says ‘go away for there is no room.’ Mom can be in another room and she sweetly sings ‘go away because it is too late and I can’t open the door.’ You can ‘write your own songs or script as you wish.

At this time of year, we hear so much: just listen to the cacophony when we enter a mall or mega store. We have so many things that keep us busy and distracted. Yet, during Advent – there is recognition for many that we have places in the heart where Christ is shut out… where he is refused a ‘room.’ And yet, He is the Reason for the Season as the saying goes.

If you are creative – you may wish to script all of this yourself. Of you can find resources (library, Christian booksellers, the Internet). Traditional ways this has been done include a child dressed as an angel who leads, followed by children carrying figures of Mary and Joseph. Boys and girls dressed in silver and gold robes constitute the procession, followed by the adults. I’ve sort of set up the early part of this column as a private family tradition. But you can see that you could involve a whole neighborhood or parish community.

When Dee and I visited the Winslow community – they had a real donkey and a young woman was selected to ride on it while accompanied by a young man with a beard – Joseph of course. This ‘poor’ community celebrated this tradition with great joy and spirit. At the end of Las Posadas – they gathered in a small chapel – prayed and sung for a bit and then they had a potluck dinner. It was wonderful.

Perhaps you could discuss with your pastor some aspect of Las Posadas in your parish. Children ‘get it.’ And parents enjoy the family aspect of preparing for Christ’s coming once again. Whatever you do – I ask you to consider touching the roots of our faith and preparing your family to experience Christ once again as the Child who changed the entire world.

Finally – as a continuation of a gift idea that I discussed in November – I have a small number of books called LIVING THE CATHOLIC FAITH by Archbishop Charles Chaput.
It’s a small, easy to read book that would make for wonderful Christmas and New Year reading. Please send an email to us@catholicfamilypodcast.com and give your name and address. The first ones to do so will receive a Christmas gift from David and Allyson and Deacon Tom.

Blessings. A holy Advent and a merry Christmas.
Deacon Tom
www.deacontomonline.com

Hello! Once again, it is a blessing to be with you in this Catholic Family venue. When I signed up to work and minister with (and for) David and Allyson – one of the promises I made to them was to pray for them… to lift them and their family in prayer. My wife and I would become ‘prayer warriors’ for them. It isn’t something we do casually. We try to remember these commitments – and to follow through on them. [And as a sidenote – if you’d like to see a full length Sunday Homily about this topic of praying for others – I invite you to go to my http://www.deacontomonline.com website. Look at the homily for 102107 – the 29th Sunday in Ordinary Time.] But, I digress.

Okay – were you perhaps drawn into the title for this month’s column? Who in the world would want to ‘adopt cancer’ into their life? This idea came from former White House Press Secretary, Tony Snow. And whatever your politics, I ask you to pray for Tony and his family as he is struggling with a very serious form of cancer. I don’t want to drag us down, but Tony gives us a lesson on living our faith as if there’s no tomorrow. Here’s something he recently shared:

“The moment you enter the Valley of the Shadow of Death, things change. You discover that Christianity is not something doughy, passive, pious, and soft. Faith may be the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. But it also draws you into a world shorn of fearful caution. The life of belief teems with thrills, boldness, danger, shocks, reversals, triumphs, and epiphanies.

Think of Paul, traipsing though the known world and contemplating trips to what must have seemed the antipodes (Spain), shaking the dust from his sandals, worrying not about the morrow, but only about the moment.”

This is what I often pray for – this is something I often preach about. It’s what the late and great John Paul II talked about – it’s a lived faith rather than a one-hour-a-week faith. And if you read my Catholic Family column last month – you may see a theme emerging. It is my prayer that you, and you, and you and you – that we find ways to begin to live our faith as if it was the greatest gift we ever received. Let it not take cancer or addiction or family crisis to experience this gift. And the more we take off the wrapping paper – the greater the gift becomes. We find that our Catholic faith isn’t doughy or pious or soft. Because this faith is useable… it is helpful… it gives purpose and meaning to our lives… and in turn, that gives these same gifts to the children in our lives. And faith is, like Tony Snow said, something to deal with that which is mysterious… it will give us things to contemplate… it will teach us of the brokenness of humanity even in the Church. But it will give us a growing understanding of God’s abiding presence in our lives each and every moment. And isn’t it ironic – this is what the Jews knew a thousand years before Christ? They knew that the one, true God was with them at all times … well almost all times. One of the times they thought He wasn’t with them was when they had a form of cancer – they called it leprosy. Many now see Biblical leprosy as a form of serious sin.

Dear Catholic Family listeners and readers, there is a great book that is easy to read. It is from Archbishop Charles Chaput. The book is titled “Living the Catholic Faith.” (Servant Books, St. Anthony Messenger Press)

We used this book in our parish Lenten Small Groups a few years ago. Most everyone agreed that it is challenging, well written and it is practical. I hope to share a few thoughts from that book in the future.  And if David and Allyson are ‘listening’ to this column, I’d like to offer free copies of Archbishop Chaput’s book to the first four people who send the Sweeneys an email at us [at]  catholicfamilypodcast [dot] com

Simply request a copy of Living The Catholic Faith as mentioned by Deacon Tom – giving your mailing information to David and Allyson.

Meanwhile – we are heading into the Thanksgiving Season. I give thanks to God for faith, for the Church, for the Sacraments, and for my marriage and our own family. And will you join me in prayer, thanking God for David and Allyson and their family? If you do join me in that prayer – maybe my wife and I can take a few days off praying for them. You think? Maybe we can pray for your needs? Well, of course you’d have to let me know what’s going on in your life. Yikes – we’re going to be busy. Happy Thanksgiving. Blessings.

Deacon Tom

http://www.deacontomonline.com